Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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