You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
