been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
