Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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