I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
