Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
