Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
