If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
