When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
