My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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