my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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