i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
