Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She bit a glass in half.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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