so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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