Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize