This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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