I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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