So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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