Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
