Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
