he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
