Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize