Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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