Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
