Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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