Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
