Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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