hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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