there were more penises there than on chat roulette
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
