I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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