So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
