period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
