so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
