he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
