I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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