I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
