Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
