the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
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You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
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I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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