the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
