when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
