Walk of Shame today included voting.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
