Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize