I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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