Where is the hickey?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
