Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
