you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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