It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
