I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
