Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
