Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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