Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm sobbing to NWA
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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