make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
