She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
