rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
