eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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