We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
