Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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