Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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