i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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