I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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