is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
