I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize