I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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