you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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