This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
