it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
