she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
